Luigi's Peculiar Adventure
by Magical Shovel
Summary: What happens when Luigi must save his annoying brother from the drug overlord, king, GraveRobber? Disaster. Luigi attracts some peculiar allies. Rated 'T' borderline M for language and some things that may be considered disturbing for wee children.
1. All Things Have A Beginning

**Disclaimer:**I don't own Repo!, Labyrinth, songs from Labyrinth, or David Bowie (oh ho ho!). If I did, I would be bloody rich by now. Labyrinth belongs to the magnificent Jim Hensen. I'm sorry I killed your movie. Repo! The Genetic Opera and characters belong to the wonderful TZ and DLB (and Darren Smith). This doesn't count as a crossover. SO HAHAHAHA! HA HA!

Warning: This story may contain extremely graphic and/or violent material. This includes death, language, insults, and more. If you are easily offended, oh sweet Bowie, don't read this.

_Note_: If anyone wishes to be in this fanfiction. You'll bet your socks that I'll put you in it. No, seriously, I will. Just comment me and so be it. I also doubt that half/most of the characters are actually IN character. Well, this _is_ a crack fic.... Characters taken: Jareth, Ludo, Sara, and I can't remember who else. {I took a break upon writing _Promises_. Don't worry, I'm still writing the next chapter.}

Luigi Largo stomped into his room after a series of frustrating events. The whole day had gone awry. It honestly wasn't his fault. The GenTerns had been annoying with their high pitched voices, their luscious hair, their.... Yet, all of them chose his brother rather than Luigi. Of course it was infuriating! What did Pavi have that he didn't?! The shit nosed idiot was an attention whore. The way they swarmed around him... It boiled his blood. So of course, he killed a few. There was something good about GenTerns... They were disposable, nothing to them. They could be replaced.

He slammed his door. No one responded. Furrowing his brows, he slammed it again... and again.

"WOULD YOU FUCKING STOP THAT!" Amber shouted from her own room. Without a doubt, she was sprawled out on her fruity pink bedspread on another one of her Zydrate hallucinations. What was it that she conjured last time? Oh yes, something by the name of Mr. Birdy... Luigi shivered in disdain at the memory. His sister really was a freak. Then again, so was Pavi. They were both sacks of shit.

"I'LL FUCKING STOP WHEN I'M READY TO STOP!" He hollered back, slamming the door once more for emphasis. No one understood him. _No one._ Except... for one person. Luigi pulled out a key from the pocket of his suit, unlocking the closet. He bent down in front of a small vault. Cerulean eyes gazed from side to side before entering a combination. The metal door swung open....

A DVD limited edition copy of _Labyrinth_ rested on a piece of plush velvet. The eldest tenderly picked up the movie, tears streamed from his eyes.

"No one understands me like you, David Bowie! I could care less about Jennifer Connelly... even though she was really good in the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still..." The man shook from his sobbing fit, gazing at the cover. David Bowie as Jareth, the Goblin King, smirked in all his profound glory. Luigi walked over to the window, staring into the highly polluted sky. Now those of you who are reading this are wondering why Luigi said this. You may all now have the chance to question Luigi's sexuality.

_At this point, a magical shovel is wondering why in fuck's name is she trying to mash Labyrinth into the life of Repo! ...But then she remembers and continues to tell the bizarre tale to her equally epic friends._

He sighed, turning to go put the movie into the DVD player. That was when _he_ burst in. Pavi had the tendency to do so with frequent annoyance. A wide grin was sprawled onto his face as if he won a bloody trophy._ A trophy for being an annoying pussy...._ Luigi thought to himself, glaring at the intruder.

"AH! Fratello! The Pavi has-a much to-a tell you!" Pavi purred his words with a falsetto. He paused, lowering the mirror in his slim grasp. He arched a fine brow, tilting his head. "What are you-a holding?"

"Nothing!" The brown haired male answered far too quickly, hiding the case behind his back. His gaze nervously darted from side to side as Pavi sauntered towards him. The younger brother plucked the DVD from his back, taking a moment to gaze at it...

"You like-a _Labyrinth _?" Pavi's expression was unreadable. The tone was bland, but feigned close to accusation. "Fratello," he began. "I-a never knew-a you were-a _that_kind of-a man." He tsked, shaking his head before carelessly dropping the eighties movie on the plush rug.

It took what was left of Luigi's self-control to prevent himself from diving to the ground to get the DVD. He flinched, hands balling into fists. Oh yes, he was mad. _Very_ mad. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM BEFORE I RIP THAT PRETTY LITTLE FACE OFF!"

Pavi feigned fear by gasping. "There are-a plenty of-a women in the-a world. The Pavi can-a always replace his-a face." He liked the sound of that. It had an amusing little tune. Oh, how he loved infuriate his brother! It was one of his many past-times.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Amber shouted from her room. They were loud. VERY loud. She wasn't able to hear that trippy music playing in her mind. It was also ruining the neon flashing lights that danced before her. Their voices also interfered with the flying, armored ferrets in her room. "I CAN'T HEAR THE MAGICAL FERRET OVERLORD."

"Yiiiis (Yes), Amber... Yew moost taaaaaake ovaaaarrrrr GeneCoooooooooo," the freaky ferret floated as it spoke.

"..." For a moment, the Largo brothers stared at each other, wondering what the fuck a 'Magical Ferret Overlord' was. That minute did not last for long, however. Luigi's face reddened all the more, "I'll strangle you with your own fucking intestines."

"I'll-a put cosmetics on your-a face when you-a sleep!" _Maybe I'll even give him a uni-brow..._Pavi grinned from ear to ear at the thought of that. It was a funny image... Then again, there was so many things one can do while another is in a fit of sleep.

"...What kind of insult is _that_?"

"Well-a...."

"Seriously, Pavi? I go and threaten to kill you while you threaten to put make-up on my face. _Make-up_. That's so scary!" Now it was Luigi's turn for mockery as he flaunted his hands in the air, pursing his lips. He looked like an ape. Or maybe an ape-cow. But ape-cows don't exist. They only exist in a Biology classroom within a perverted teacher's mind. "Really, brother. You can do better than that."

"... I'll spray perfume in your face." Pavi's voice had become husky and masculine. The accent and falsetto were temporarily thrown out the door-

_"Did this really happen?" Aquaflame glanced at Magical Shovel with skepticism._

_"Shut up and lemme tell the fricking story!"_

_It's evident that they are similar to the Largo brothers... sometimes._

"That stuff fucking smells." Luigi wrinkled his nose in distaste. "And it burns. What do you put in that crap? _Acid_?"

"No-a, I-a actually put-a snake piss in-a it. It-a smells like flowers!" :D He smiled all too cheerily.

"That's fucking nasty... NOW GET OUT OF MY FRACKIN' ROOM." Luigi Largo had a Battle Star Galatica moment. 'Fuck' had been replaced by 'Frack'. All in all, 'frack' is a must cooler way to say 'fuck'. It also rhymes with 'crack.'

Pavi grinned, happy to oblige. But he would remember this moment in time. He could use this to haunt Luigi for the rest of his life. Oh and believe him, he _would_.

Blind Mag gazed into her mirror. The bright, cerulean eyes never blinked. She sighed as she ran a brush through her dark hair. She adjusted her dress before leaving her room. "Luigi, Pavi, Amber, I have to go to a benefit concert. Please try to behave." They would never listen. She was well aware of the fact, but it was worth a shot.

"...Whatever," Luigi responded.

"FLYING FERRETS!" Amber's voice became high-pitched, "Crap! They're attacking me!"

"Sí..." Thump. Thud. Groan. Repeat.

The talented singer restrained herself from convulsing..... or vomitting. She shook her head, rapping on Luigi's door.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT!? I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOU'RE JUST AN ANNOYING BITCH... AND YOU KNOW YOU WOULD HAVE POP'S BABIES."

"..." Mag blinked. _What the bloody hell is he talking about..._ "Now, you know that's not true, Luigi... I only get it up for Marni."

Luigi froze, opening the door, "That's hot."

"I suppose men would think that. As I said before, I'm going to an event. Do take care of yourself.... and your brother. Amber is quite independent, so-"

"Amber has Zydrate for brains."

"Well, that's also true. JUST LISTEN TO ME!"

"Sheesh. Sorry... " The eldest grumbled.

"Do be careful. You know the media loves us."

"That sounds kinda vain."

"...Shut up." She couldn't take it anymore. With a shake of her head, Mag quickly left. Maybe her day would get better... or maybe not. Luigi slammed his door shut with a scowl, hopping onto his bed. He raked his hands through his short hair.

"Oh, great King Jareth, I despise my little brother, Pavi, in the entire universe. If only you could take him away forever... and ever. Then, I could kill Amber and GeneCo could go to me, Luigi Largo! I'll do anything as long as you take Pavi. Please, he's a little fag and he looks like a goblin without the fake face-"

"I-A HEARD THAT!"

"NO YOU FUCKING DIDN'T!"

Little did Luigi know that someone else had also heard his desperate pleas.

Meanwhile, a mutated bird flew high in the air. His wings flapped desperately to stay afloat. It was fat. It was a fatty.... The one eyed critter soared past Amber's window. Mr. Birdy had returned.

"I LOVE YOU, MR. BIRDY. HAVE MAI BABEHS,"Amber screeched as she pushed her face against the window. Was it that drugs that caused her peculiar behaviour? Maybe. Wait, wait, wait... Probably. No, definitely. Either that or Rotti has poor genetics. Also, can Amber even have babies? She MUST be sterile from all the surgery and Zydrate...

"It's only forever

Not long at all

Lost and lonely..."

"Forever IS a long time." Shilo rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, kid! Let me finish my song!' GraveRobber scowled at the girl.

"Jeez... Sorry."

"No one can blame you

For walking away

From too much sexual rejection

No drug injection"

He paused, "Wait, how did you even get out of the house?"

"Now, you're interrupting," Shilo stated.

"Shut up and answer the question."

"I said Mom's name, locked Dad in the closet, and went out." The cries of 'Marni' were heard in the nearby distance. Yes, Nathan was trapped in the closet. Now, if only he could suppress his urges. You know there's Wallacest. You know Grathan, Narni, Nag, Notti, Namber, and a whole bunch of other pairings exist. Yeah, Magical Shovel pulled half of those names out of her ass.

"Wow, kid... You have issues."

Shilo shrugged.

"Sex can be easy

It's not always swell

Don't tell me getting kicked in the gonads hurts, little girl

'Cause it hurts like hell..."

Shilo blinked, "It hurts like hell..."

"But down in the underground

You'll find someone true

Down in the underground

A land serene

With crystal meth, ah, ah!

It's only forever

It's not long at all

Lost and lonely

That's underground

Underground...."

_"This story is REALLY weird. I bet it'll have Pavigi." Aquaflame shook her head, staring at her friend._

_"YEAH. But, but... it's my weird creation. Duh, I'll try to squeeze Pavigi in there. Or not... I'm going to make this story rated 'M'. I don't want the fanfiction site to yell at me. It's not pr0nz. Yeesh." Magical Shovel shook her head. The grin on her face was as wide as a crack addict's. No, she had no drugs while writing this story. Her mind just frightens MANY people. "And you know what!? You're weird. Yeah! I said it."_

_"... So says the girl who went to High School screaming David Bowie. So says the girl who sings "Mark It Up!" in the hall way. So says the girl who almost fell into a trashcan with an unused condom in it. So says the girl who walks into walls. You say __**I'm**__ weird."_

_"That hurts...But it's true...!" She burst into maniacal laughter. Oh yes, what a strange tale, indeed._


	2. Pump Up Luigi's Meds!

The once bright and sunny weather took a turn for the worst. Why? Because such things occur in horror films. Yet, this is not a horror film... unless you consider this to be of considerably bad (or horrid) taste. Such things also occur in films in general. It is always the most unexpected. The dark clouds covered the sun as thunder clapped in the nearby distance.

"Huh..." Luigi gazed out the window, propping his elbows on the sill. "That's really fuckin' weird. Unless... my wish is coming true!" A grin slowly spread on his face as he continued to gaze outside with a growing amount of glee.

Out through the trees and the fog was a figure. No one knew her name for sure. She stood at... Well, Shovel wasn't sure on the details. The figure dashed into a bush before crying out, "WEEGEE! I LOVE YOU!" At this, Luigi's eyes widened. He threw his head out the window, looking around. "WHAT THE **FUCK** WAS THAT!?"

Meanwhile in Pavi's room, the younger brother was sitting in his comfortable leather chair. Long limbs stretched out. Cerulean orbs were half-lidded. His chest rose in a calm manner. A book.... a romance novel... rested in his grasp.

_"PAVI READS BOOKS!? FTW!"_

_"IKNORITE!? NOW LET ME CONTINUE!"_

"How-a dreamy!" The Italian playboy gushed, turning the page of the paperback. He sighed once more. A lazy grin sprawled onto his features. "Oh-a Roxanne, you-a cougar! You-a know you-a love Johnny! Give-a it to-a him already!" Don't you hate the type of people who make commentaries about the book they're reading aloud? Well, Pavi was apparently one of those types of people.

His finger gently rested upon his darkly painted lips. Blue orbs narrowed in concentration as he read. "Yay! Roxanne gave-a Johnny the-a rose!" His grin curved into a feline smile as he giggled delightfully.

In Amber's room, the strange events continued.... "So, like, I have to stand on my head, like, while singing 'Baby Got Back'?" She swayed lightly. Her eyes were heavily lidded and her pupils were dilated from the drug she so frequently took. One arm hung limply by her side while her other hand was outstretched towards the floating ferret. Take this as a lesson right now, children, drugs kill your brain. Go make yourself a fried or scrambled egg. That is your brain on drugs... and Amber's.

"Yiiiiiiiisssss...." The creature spoke in it's annoyingly, high-pitched voice. It floated closer to her before pulling it away. "DOOOO EEEET OR DIIIIIE, DAMN EEEEEEET."

Amber blinked, "Okay.... Take a chill pill, dude." She performed a handstand. "I like big butts and I cannot lie. This song really, really sucks. 'Cuz I like guys with firm asses and I cannot lie. Baby got back... Ow!" She cried out in pain. "My head! MY BRAIN'S GOING TO EXPLODE!" The blood was rapidly rushing towards her head. That's what she got for doing a handstand.

Everybody ignored poor Amber.

Luigi balled his hands into fists, grinning all the more. "I can't fucking wait! It's like Christmas all over again!" An image of his father in a Santa suit ruined that moment. "Gah! Fuck! I forgot about that!" He rapidly shook his head, trying to forget he had even said that. "Ohhhhh, I hope this works." The magic words needed to be said. "Fuck. What're the words..." Luigi picked up his DVD, looking over the case.

"Hmm... What the frackity frack frack was it? Deathburger...? Fuck no. But now I want a cheeseburger. Jesus. I HATE YOU GOD! Was it.... Crack? Nah. Stalker in my bushes? No. Once undone, come here. That's what she said, but no. OH THAT'S RIGHT!" He snapped his fingers, remembering the words.

"David Bowie, David Bowie...." Luigi exhaled. His eyes narrowed in concentration. The vein on his temple throbbed. It really looked like he was popping a squat. Fear not, readers. He was not. At least, Magical Shovel hoped that much. "DAVIIIIIIIIIIID FUCKIIIIINNNGGGGG BOWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The scream shook the whole household.

Pavi looked up from his book, arching a brow. _And he-a thinks I am-a strange._"FRATELLO! I-a never though you-a liked such-a fruity things," he shouted. He knew Luigi could hear him. "Oh-a, David-a Bowie, save-a me!" He frantically waved his hands in a mocking gesture. He burst into laughter, setting down his book.

"This is the hardest grave I've ever climbed...." GraveRobber murmured, crawling up to Pavi's room. Shilo shook her head, "It's a house. Not a grave." She walked towards her house. It was about time she let her father out of the closet. The young woman laughed to herself. GraveRobber uttered a swear under his breath, crashing through the window.

Upon hearing his window shatter, Pavi stared at the grimy looking man crawling through it. "...David-a Bowie?"

"...Sure." GraveRobber wrapped his hands around Pavi's waist...

_"...Gravi... Ewwww."_

_"No. But..." Shovel laughed. "Oh ho ho!"_

GraveRobber lunged out the window like a ninja, disappearing to who knows where.

Meanwhile, at the party where Mag was..... The soprano was bored. Horribly bored. She chatter nonchalantly to many of the folks. Sighing, she turned to see a girl. She looked like... Shilo. Smiling, she walked over to the girl, "I have candy." Mag opened her purse, gesturing to the sweets.

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"Or let them touch you?"

"EW! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAKING PEDO!" The girl ran away to her mother and father. Mag cleared her throat, closing her purse. DEFINITELY not Shilo. The kid had a father AND a mother both well alive.

_Aquaflame stared at Magical Shovel in sheer horror, "You made Mag a pedo."_

_"Did not."_

_"Did too."_

_"Yuh huh."_

_"Nuh uh."_

_"I thought this story was rated 'M', too."_

_"I lied. It's just tasteless humor and a lot of profanity._

Luigi let out a maniacal laugh as he heard the sound of crashing glass. "It worked! It fucking worked. FUCK YEAH!" He pumped a fist. Of course, he had to be positive that it _did_work. He stepped out of his room and kicked open the door to Pavi's. He peered around. The dork wasn't there. "YES!" Luigi dropped to his knees, punching the air in pure joy. "I LOVE YOU JARETH!" Before anyone had the chance to walk by the room, the eldest sibling rose and brushed off his suit. He looked over to his younger brother's desk, seeing... a _romance_novel. "...Pavi can read?" He gave an earnest shrug.

Until... something dawned upon him. He recalled Mag's words before she left for the charity ball, "Do care for yourself... and your brother."

_Yourself._

_Your brother._

"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!"

He clamped his hands onto his head, stomping his feet. "With Pavi gone, GeneCo will go to me. But. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, MAG. Ya had to go and fucking say that! Now Pop'll wonder where the fuck Pavi went. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck!" Luigi dropped to his knees. "I TAKE IT BACK. GIMME MY FAGGY BROTHER BACK. I NEED HIM."

_"I need him? That's Pavigi if I haven't seen it."_

_"Hee. Doesn't that make you squee?"_

_"No, but it makes you do weirder things."_

There was heavy breathing as a rather grimy looking man crawled through the window. "Jeez. People need to make smaller graves."

"Jareth...?" Luigi looked unimpressed. "WHERE'S THE GODLY GOBLIN KING!?" He whipped out one of his many knives. "I'll fucking stab you if you don't tell me where he is!"

"Luigi?"

"...Who the fuck're you?" Luigi stared blankly at the man.

"I am GraveRobber, king of Zydrate Junkies and the God of all drug dealers."

"But you're not Jareth."

"But I'm a King."

"Yeah right."

"No seriously. That's why I kidnapped your brother. You said the magic words."

"David Bowie?"

"No." GraveRobber cringed. "You asked. You asked for your brother to be gone and I did just that. It's all for you." He grinned, wiggling his brows.

_This guy's a fucking creep. _"But I need him back. Mag and Pop will bitch and moan at me... and I won't get GeneCo! I NEED GeneCo!" He stomped his feet once more.

"You can be my queen."

"No fucking way. NO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK IS PAVI!?" He held the knife in front of GraveRobber. GraveRobber waved his hands, "Alright!" He juggled his Zydrate vials before slipping them into his pocket. He grabbed the fat bird flying in front of the window, throwing it at Luigi, "Your brother is in the labyrinth. Where that is, I will not reveal... yet." The grimy man grinned, jumping out the window. There was a heavy thud, "I'M OKAY!" A groan and GraveRobber was gone. Luigi blinked, stabbing the bird.

"Fucking rat on wings..." He grumbled under his breath. Luigi sighed. Some day this was turning out to be. He had to tell Pop, then the true journey would occur. He dashed by his father's office, shouting out, "Hey Pop! I'm going out to save Pavi from some creepy drug dealer who's convinced that he's a King!"

Rottissimo Largo turned the page of his newspaper, "Whatever you say, Son."

As Luigi left, Rotti turned to look at a GenTern, "Did Luigi forget to take his meds?"

"Most likely, Sir."

"We'll have to up the dosage."

"Yes, Sir."

Thus, began Luigi's peculiar journey.

_Note: _Aquaflame gave me the idea of Luigi chanting David Bowie, Pavi mocks him, then when GraveRobber appears... Pavi says, "David-a Bowie?" Kudos to her and all of my loyal readers! :D


	3. Meese

"Amberrrrrrrrrrrr...." The floating ferret's eyes glowed.

"Yes, Oh Magical Mystical Overlord?"

"GO SPANK YER DADDEH!" The creature flashed an angry face.

Amber blinked, shifting her feet. A bewildered expression crossed her face as she stared at the ferret. "Wuh? Why"

"Because I said so."

She happily complied by grabbing a paddle and wandering off to her father's office. "I will do anything for you m'lord! As long as you bring back Mr. Birdeh!" Five minutes later, the henchgirls were clamping hands on their mouths to sustain their laughter. Rotti flushed a bright red as he took the paddle from his daughter, "OUT!"

"But-"

"I SAID GET OUT NOW!"

_"GROUP LOL!"_

Meanwhile, Luigi was very lost. The grass was a couple feet as it approached his knees. He looked from side to side, shading the sun from his eyes. Hedges where in every corner. Nearby, there was a tangle of rose bushes. "Where the fuck am I? This isn't the god-damned labyrinth...." Luigi was VERY lost.

"Damnit! This is _MY_ **BACKYARD**!" A few minutes later, he left his backyard and was on the streets. "Someone's gotta mow the damned lawn and it isn't gonna be me. It was Pavi's turn last. Ya see GraveRobber! That's why I need Pavi! He needs to mow the fucking lawn!"

GraveRobber peered into his glistening Zydrate vials with an amused smirk. He shuffled them in his hands. "Soon, he will learn that he needs me!" The grimy drug dealer sat upon his shiny dumpster, crossing his legs. He juggled the vials in the air, each one fell on top of his head. "Fuck! Fucking vials. They're not supposed to do that."

Pavi rolled his cobalt eyes, wrapping his arms around the various junkies and fangirls. "I-a like it-a here," he giggled enthusiastically. He could get used to it here. Free sex all the time for the Pavi. Then again, he already had that back at GeneCo. Then, the fangirls seemed to multiply. They rattled on and on about what they liked about him and asked him several questions. His walnut-sized brain was about to explode.

"The-a fangirls! They are-a everywhere! They are-a scaring the Pavi!" Paviche shrieked, clamping his hands on the sides of his face, mirroring the painting, _Scream_.

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PAVI!" Jemma shouted as she glomped him.

GraveRobber merely chuckled.

Luigi looked down the street, stomping loud enough for anyone to here. A small voice piped up, "So you're looking for your brother?" He looked around to find a small girl with a fake ass wig...

_Shilo ran into the place where Aquaflame, Shovel, and others were making commentary. She glared at the garden tool, "MY DAD SAYS I'M SPECIAL SINCE I WEAR A WIG. IT'S MY BLOOD CONDITION. DAMN MY BLOOD CONDITION. CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? THANKS FOR THIS DISEASE!"_

_"You're welcome!" Someone shouted._

_"Oh no. She's singing." Aquaflame looked horrified._

_"Hur hur. Your daddy thinks your special. Guess what? I'm special too, because I'm a shovel!" 8D_

_Magical Shovel was promptly fwacked by Shilo._

Ahem. The child turned out to be a beautiful, young woman. Her hair was so lucious. The dark locks glimmered as they cascaded down her back. It contradicted her designer white dress. Shilo told Shovel to say that. Shovel just got smacked by Shilo again. Ow.

"Who the fuck're you!?"

"I'm Shilo Wallace."

"... Oh! You're Nathan's daughter! But that doesn't mean I won't kill you."

Shilo blinked, "But I want to help you."

"You can help by staying out of the way."

_"WHOA WHOA, WAIT!" Aquaflame screeched, holding one of her burning hands in the air. "Are you telling me that Shuigi exists?"_

_"...I wasn't implying that." Shovel blinked._

_"__**And **__Luathan?"_

_"What the HELL is Luathan? I told you I wasn't implying those pairings! Now who has the dirty mind? Huh huh!? You do! Yes, you do! Yes, you do! Woozafuzza..."_

_Aquaflame threw a burning shoe at Shovel to get her to shut up and continue the strange story._

"But I can come?"

"That's what she said!" Luigi laughed, pointing at an innocent Shilo. Not understanding the joke, she blinked once more. Sighing, he rubbed the back of his head. "Like I said, just stay out of my way or I'll fucking gut ya and leave your corpse to the meese."

"Meese?"

"Ya know... Moose. But plural."

"It's moose, Mr. Luigi. "

"It's meese."

"Moose."

"Meese!"

"...Moose."

"FUCKING MEESE! Rule one, what I said goes! Rule two, don't get in my way! Rule three, don't fucking correct me."

"Okay..." Shilo murmured 'moose' under her breath once more. Nonetheless, the peculiar duo continued walking. The elder male reached in his pocket to pull out... lipstick. He blinked, flipping it open to see what shade it was. Crimson.

The younger female stared, trying her best not to gape. "What?!" Luigi cried out in his defense, "It's Pavi's! He slipped it in my pocket! The fag! ... But we can use it to point arrows so we don't get lost, y'know?" Shilo merely nodded, keeping her thoughts to herself. _I guess the Largos believe in Largocest. I mean incest. Damn Dad's strange vocabulary..._

As they walked ahead and made various turns, someone.... was turning their arrows around with their own lipstick. "Moohahahaha," Chaos laughed evilly. "I shall have WeeGee all to myself!" She rubbed her evil hands together, putting the evil lipstick in her pocket. She wasn't really evil, Shovel just liked emphasizing the word. It's one of her favorites, actually. Not that anyone cares about the author...

_Aquaflame smacked Shovel once more._

_"...Do you have to narrate everything we do, too?"_

_"Hell yeah! That's why it's a story. A hur hur." She gave a goofy laugh and an awkward facial expression. :B _

It turned out that they had been walking in circles. For three hours. Now who was the dumber brother? Paviche told Shovel to mention that in the story, by the way....

_Shovel coughed_.

"GODFUCKINGJESUSTURKYSANDWICH!"

_"Yum-O!''_

_"Who watches Rachael Ray these days?"_

_"My mom..." Shovel coughed._

"Your profanity... is colorful."

"Shut up, you little bitch."

"We're lost."

"I said, SHUT UP!" Shilo quickly closed her mouth. She didn't want to die. She had no desire to be in the dirt or in the family tomb right next to her mother, Marni. Only the Gods and fans know what would happen if Nathan had two corpses in his grasp... "We've been walking in circles for a fucking eternity."

Then, he appeared. GraveRobber smirked. He wore his coats that were made from the dead muppets that Nathan Wallace had mercilessly killed. GraveRobber merely took the leftovers and sewed a coat out of them. It was quite warm and fashionable. However, fashionistas always rejected the idea. Yet, in Germany, Lady Gaga wore an outfit made out of Kermit the Frogs.... Back to the story. "Lost?" He taunted.

"Duh." Shilo blandly stated.

The rainbow hobo blinked, "HEY! I thought you were on my side, kid! That's not fair!" He stomped and flailed, throwing a mini tantrum. It was nothing compared to one of Luigi's. He quickly calmed down, however.

"I'm neutral. I'm on no one's side. I just think this is pretty funny. A grown man rescuing another while another grown man wants another...." Luigi clamped a hand on Shilo's mouth to shut her up, glaring at the peddler.

GraveRobber flushed, "Time's running out to rescue your brother. If not, he becomes.... a sparkling fantard. BWAHAHAHA." He threw down a zydrate vial, letting it explode. Blue clouds filled the air, acting like a smoke bomb. When it dissipated, he was gone.

"I propose that we go to the underground mausoleum. It's probably the labyrinth."

"Who died and proclaimed _you _smart ass?"

"... That rat over there?"

"Just shut the fuck up!" Luigi's inner self... was quite excited. _LOL. OMFG. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE MOVIE. It's a labyrinth. OMFG. I LOVE YOU JIM HENSON!_Thus, the duo was off to the cemetery. Shilo was not going to point out that he merrily skipped on the way to the graveyard. She would let him have his little fan moment.


	4. The Group Forms

_Note (READ THIS AFTER THIS CHAPTER):_Aquaflame gave me the idea of Ludo being a junkie. And each rock being a different drug. Since, y'know, Ludo plays with rocks.... I'm also sorry to say that no longer can I put anymore of my audience into this story. Why? Well, it's the fact that it's rather hard. Apologies!!!

Luigi merrily skipped and Shilo refrained her laughter. After all, she didn't want to die tonight. She DID have to return to her father some time to let him out of the closet... He was probably still weeping about Marni or Shilo or both or Mag, Marni, and Shilo together doing terribly naughty things. You would think from that he would be in a fetal position hidden in one corner, rocking back and forth.

Actually, Marni's clothes were still in the closet. Nathan just wanted to be [i]closer[/i] to his dead wife.... "MARNIIII!" Hiccup. Choked sob. "Now....There's.... make-up...and a wig... too." Why not become Marni? Thus, Nathan did such while in the closet. Oh boy, would Shilo be scared... or scarred.

"Do you know where we're going, Mr. Largo?"

"I don't fuckin' know."

"But..."

"BUT FUCKING WHAT!?" He flung his arms in the air, letting out an aggravated sigh. _Man, this squirt's fuckin' annoying. _He only shook his head, continuing to walk. Shilo rose her hand, pointing a head, "We're heading towards what's left of a forest."

"So?"

"So, it's not the way to the graveyard."

"I don't fucking care! You can smell my underwear! We're going the way I said we're fuckin' going. And you know why? Because I said so!"

Shilo hushed herself, turning her head away. _Why do adults always say that? Because I said so. _Her nose scrunched in dislike. _Shilo, take your meds. Why? Because I said so. Shilo, wear this, because I said so. Shilo, stay in your room, because I said so. Shilo, honey, do this for me. Do that. Look more like your mother. Pose like that. Because I said so! Ughhhh._

"BLEET!" The young female screamed in sheer terror... or surprise. No, no, wait. It was definitely a case of fear. There, in drooling glory, stood a Z'd up deer. The critter edged forward, eager to lick the nearest person. Luigi whipped out one of his knives, narrowing his eyes. Not today. Not on his watch. He didn't want a skanky deer taking a taste of him.

A lion dashed by the scene, sinking it's fangs deep into a hunk of the other mammal. Luigi gawked while Shilo shielded her eyes. "That's just fucked up...." The lion turned to face Luigi, snarling. "No! You're not eating my fucking pants again!"

"...Again...?"

"Shut the fuck up!"

Luigi ran. Shilo followed. He decided to listen to the little girl and go to the graveyard. A Repo Man happily skipped after the lion who took off, "WAIT MISTER LION, DO YOU HAVE CHOCOLATE!? STEVE BOB MCSTEVE CRAVES FOR CHOCOLATE... AND PORN!"

Luigi waved off a couple of GenCops making their nightly rounds. With a tedious sigh, he turned to Shilo. "Alright."

"Huh?"

"Where's the mauso-fucking-thingy?"

"I'm not..." She cut off her words, noticing Luigi's glare. There was a clank of metal and a thump. A sharp, female cry. They lifted their heads to locate the source of the noise. A grunt. Another clink. Out hopped a shovel.

"OHAYDERE!" It waved, frantically. Obviously, a female. Dur. From her movements to her voice... Anyone with a small ounce of a brain could figure that little tidbit out. Luigi tried to stab the dear Shovel, but his attempt was futile. There was only the clink of metal.

"WHAT THE FUCK'RE YOU!?"

"I'm a shovel. Not just _any_ shovel, but a _magical_one!" She beamed broadly at this. "Name's Magical Shovel, MS, Shovely, etc etc! And I'm here to help!"

...Thus, Luigi and Shilo encountered Magical Shovel. A shovel made of silver that was very, very shiny-

_"Whoa! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! You're in this story?" Aquaflame looked at the story teller. Her face was bland as she shook her head with annoyance. She didn't believe a word the weird shovel.... thing said._

_"Obviously."_

_"... David Bowie."_

_"AHAHAHAHA!" The mystifying garden tool was thrown in a fit of uncontrollable laughter. "David Bowie, David Bowie, David Bowie!" There was a strange look in her eyes. Her mouth contorted into an eerie grin much like the Chesire Cat's. She jumped up and down in excitement-_

_"You know, he's never going to come if you keep chanting his name."_

_"Aww...."_

_"This happens every time." Aquaflame shook her head._

"You're very shiny..." Shilo gawked.

"LOL. And you're stupid."

"But it's the truth."

"I know and you ARE stupid."

"Oh..."

Luigi did the math in his head... Or on his fingers. There wasn't math to be done. He just wanted to look... intelligent. Because Luigi effin' Largo kicks hardcore ass. Shovel was paid to say that. "You want to help us?"

"Yuh."

"Why?"

"Because I want to meet David fucking Bowie!" owo Shovel beamed happily, sliding in a circle of joy. Luigi and Shilo stared. Was it possible that Magical Shovels could be on drugs? No, because Shovely was one of a kind and did not do such things. SHE HAD MORALS. Even though they're very few...

_Something occured to Aquaflame, "Wait... Aren't you the narrator of the story?"_

_"No, I'm the director."_

_"..."_

_"And an actress. I'M LIKE WOODY ALLEN. OMFG."_

_"Why do I hang out with you!?"_

_"...RepoDavidBowieHellsing." Cough cough._

_"Yeah..."_

Another figure came slithering out. Not exactly slithering, but staggering. It was a very drunken sway. A rather drugged pace. "Ahurrrrr...." It turned out to be a young man. A junkie. An addict. A scalpel slut. His short, black hair was cropped. Green eyes looked extremely wasted. He wore a black tank and skinny jeans with the essential emo-punk jewelry. "Lolz. Ae cut myself up fer druggzzzz....." Actually, his words sounded more like, "Llz llama llama llamaz upzzz druggggzzzzz."

Luigi and Shilo exchanged a mutual look of pure confusion until Luigi demanded to know who the fellow was. Shovel just laughed, bouncing up and down. It was a very amusing day for her. All she did was dig up graveyard dirt. It smelled like old people. And that just wasn't right.

"NOW WHO THE FUCK'RE YOU!?"

"Name's Ludo. Ae lyke rawks!" The group looked at each other. "I think he might have some rocks in his head, too," Shilo added. "LOL! ROCKS! I LIKE ROCKS, TOO!" Shovel shouted. Ludo stood there, swaying every now and then. You see, he was cooler than the band Ludo, because he was like Ludo from Labyrinth. Alas, he wasn't a monster thingy. His words were just incomprehensible like Ozzy Osbourne. It made you wonder if he were English...

"Why the fuck do you like rocks? That's fuckin' stupid."

"Lyk, the big ones are Z, an' the little round ones with 'E's are ecstasy. Am' the long, blue 'uns are Tyenol PM. An' then there's pink ones an' orange ones an' white ones. Large ones, too..." For another hour, Ludo went to explain each _rock's_ importance. Everyone was slumped on the ground, practically passed out from this.

All in all, it was eventually settled. These would be Luigi's companions upon his adventure. They would help him in his dire need. He had someone to rely on. Even if that reliance was a small slice of pie. Or cake. But the cake is a lie. Therefore, cake does not count.

Finally, everyone was growing overly annoyed with Ludo's rant about drugs that he liked to call rocks. Shovel grew the nerve to hope right up to him and bang him on the head with her spade. He staggered, rubbing his head. "Lol. I can't feel nothin' at all!" Everyone exchanged tired looks before shrugging their shoulders. He was probably brain-dead. No use on trying to cause physical pain. Unless he liked that... Which he might of. No one had the guts or the time to ask.

"Can we fucking go to the fucking mausoleum right fuckin' now!? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, YOU FUCKING LOSERS ARE JUST HOLDING ME THE FUCK BACK. FUCKING JERKS. FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKERS." Oh, it was on! Luigi was in full rant and swear mode. This continued for quite some time until someone spoke up.

"...He has a potty mouth." The Largo whirled around, scowling. "WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT!?" Everyone pointed to Ludo. Was it the poor junkie? Yes, yes it was, because only he had the drugged up guts to talk back to Luigi frackin' Largo. That and both Shilo and Shovel respected their lives. Shovel worshipped her yaoi. She lived for that stuff, just as she promised she would eventually write _true _Pavigi. She knew the fangirls were waiting, but soon their patience would snap... AND THEY WOULD KILL DEAR SHOVEL.

_Aquaflame smacked Magical Shovel._

_"BUT IT'S TRUE!" She sobbed._

_The contradiction rolled her eyes at the garden tool._

_"...They want... PAVIGI!"_

_  
Dramatic music ensued._

_"AND NOT GRAVI. 'CUZ THAT AIN'T FILLIN'!"_

_"..."_

_"OR GRUIGI. EVEN THOUGH THIS FANFICTION IS NUDGED TO THAT. IT'S CLOSER TO PAVIGI FLUFF VIOLENCE."_

_"......." Aquaflame whacked Shovel with a bat for her to continue her story._

"Let's fuckin' get outta here," Luigi grumbled, stomping off. The crew gave looks and shrugged at each other. A journey was a journey alright...

Out from the night, from the mist, stepped a figure. Fanfiction readers knew her name for sure. She stood at- Well, Shovel isn't sure about her height, but she knew this person was.... ONE OF LUIGI'S BEAUTIFUL STALKERS. Chaos smirked, happily skipping after them, "I'm going to get me a mild case of Pavigi! Because I love WeeGee oh so much!" She laughed evilly, following them through the night.


	5. Dance, Pavi, Dance!

"Okay fucktards and genetic defects, we gotta save Pavi."

Crickets chirped as the gang exchanged glances. Was it a gang? It was probably more like a posse. People like 50 Cent had a posse. Now Luigi was just as cool. Shovel broke the silence, "I can be the Pavi! The most dashing, baby snatching!" She flipped on a woman's mask that she found in Poster's, a local art store that lives near her house. Yes, it lives there.

"Someone slap her before Luigi kills her," Shilo whispered.

"LOL! I'll do it!" Ludo bitch slapped Shovel just like when Nathan slaps Shilo in "Seventeen." Luigi fell to the ground, laughing, "FUCKING PWNED. OH!" That was a close one... Ludo and Shilo sighed in relief.

The four went off into the labyrinth! What was the labyrinth? It was the underground mausoleum. Last time they failed... Miserably. A small noise chirped from the ground, "I can help!" It was a little blue worm... Squiiiiish. Without paying any attention or remorse, Luigi stepped on it. He looked around, clenching his fists, "We're never gonna fucking get to the hideout or whatever the fuck he calls it."

**Meanwhile... **At GraveRobber's Spectacular Magical Mystical Play-House... (Shovel received a free meal for saying that.)

"I'm-a bored," Paviche pouted as he shifted in his seating. Various junkies swooned around him, stroking his hair, face, and chest. Their very eyes seemed to sparkle with the sheer ecstasy of being with someone... famous. They giggled as they edged towards him, bodies writhing together.

GraveRobber looked rather annoyed as he sat upon his throne made of used car parts. Wouldn't that hurt? Yes, yes it did. He had a sore ass five days later. He rose as he kicked the druggies away from Pavi. Pavi emitted a startled gasp, sweeping his hand in front of his face. He edged backwards, "Please-a don't-a hurt me!"

The other male merely grinned, "You remind me of the baby."

Pavi blinked. He wondered if GraveRobber was on some sort of drug. And what was he on? _I-a want what he-a has..._ The Largo mused to himself. There were no babies hear. He was simply a man-child. Boy, Shovel has seen so many of those in her short life span... "What-a baby?"

"The baby with the power."

Everything went black as a memory came back to Pavi's minuscule brain. Even dinosaurs with their brain the size of a walnut had a larger cranium than Paviche Largo. Cobalt eyes narrowed as he remembered something he had once sung to his brother at the GeneCo warehouse. Luigi had ripped open his shirt, declaring that GeneCo was his, but Pavi had interfered.

"Ten out of nine, prefer the Pavi. The most dashing, baby snatching!" In the memory, the GenTerns, Luigi, and the catchy music came to an immediate halt. They stared at the young male with wide eyes and gaping mouths. No one kidnapped babies. **No one. **Through the mist of gore and organ repossession, you did not read about baby stealing people in the tabloids. A working GenTern had gasped, "Mr. Largo!" Luigi shook his head, "Not fuckin' cool." The flashback ended.

GraveRobber was silent as he studied Pavi. _What the hell does he mean by baby snatching? _Apparently, Pavi's words slipped and he had uttered the phrase aloud. _I mean, I know he can't do simple math like fractions, but baby snatching? Whoa! _Pavi cleared his throat, breaking into a choking fit before he assaulted the drug man/king/hobo.

"What-a power? You-a have power, you-a smelly hobo? Papa has-a power! He-a proved it to-a me when the Pavi was-a small... He-a came into my-a room and-a..."

He combed a hand through his dread-locked hair, his fingers becoming entangled in the mess. He did his best to ignore Pavi's accusation. With a grunt, he ripped out his fingers, and a lock of hair... A baby bird happened to be nestled in it. No longer wanting to hear about Pavi's 'story', he clamped his hand on Pavi's mouth.

"Power of voodoo." _I wish I had a voodoo doll. Then, when Amber would come for a hit of the glow... I could steal a piece of her hair. _A cat-like grin flashed onto his face._ I'm her biggest fan and I'll follow her until she loves me! I will use the power of voodoo to control her!_Thank goodness no one could hear GraveRobber's thoughts. Counselours would assume him to be the next school shooter...

"Who-a do?" _What's-a dodo?_

"You do."

"Do-a what?" _He-a makes no-a sense!_

"Remind me of the baby. I saw my baby, crying hard as babes could cry." Was the baby Amber? She DID whine a lot. Shilo was the equivalent to Amber in the whining department, however. Drugs, drugs, drugs. Surgery, surgery, surgery. Dad, stop. Dad, you're hurting me. Outside, outside, outside. Shilo had the mind of a dog and Amber the equivalent of a cat. Me-ow.

GraveRobber gave an earnest shrug,"What could I do? My baby's love had gone. And left my baby blue." He began to wrap his fingers around Pavi's slim neck, violently shaking him back and forth. The poor man began to turn a deep shade of blue. He let go, causing the male to gasp for air,"Nobody knew."

The junkies piped in, easily amused, "What kind of magic spell to use?

Zydrate and snails

Or ferrets' tails

Drugs or bugs."

GraveRobber joined in with the junkies to continue the song,"Then baby said;

Dance magic, dance (dance magic, dance)

Dance magic, dance

Put that baby spell on me

Jump magic, jump

Jump magic, jump

Put that magic jump on me." Pavi giggled at the silliness of the song. He now knew what junkies did when they were high on drugs. They created colorful songs to sing in front of one man audiences. He jumped and danced, doing the worm, on cue to the words.

A random woman yelled out,"Slap that baby, make him free!"

GraveRobber turned to face her, kicking her down the cement steps. He curled his lip in disdain, "That's too close to BDSM and I don't roll that way. Especially with him," He gestured loosely towards Pavi. "I WILL ONLY DO SUCH WITH MY SOON TO BE QUEEN, LUIGI."

_"Fanfiction?" Aquaflame asked with a coy arch of the brow._

_"Noo...." Shovel looked about, sketchily before clearing her throat. That action ended up causing Shovel pain. For some reason she had a sore throat.... IT'S NOT MONO. The whimsical shovel's shots were giving her side effects and she forgot that a sore throat was one of them. Lol. Shots. Just like a dog._

_Aquaflame punched Shovel in the arm, causing her to cry out. "OW. I WISH I FELT NOTHING AT ALL."_

"Put that baby spell on me (ooh)

You remind me of the baby

What baby? the baby with the power

What power? power of voodoo

Who do? you do

Do what? remind me of the baby

What kind of magic spell to use?

Zydrate and snails

Or ferrets' tails

Drugs or bugs

Something frightening!

Dance magic, dance

Dance magic, dance

Put that baby spell on me

Jump magic, jump

Jump magic, jump

Put that magic jump on me!

Slap that baby, make him free!

Dance magic, dance

Dance magic, dance

Jump magic, jump

Jump magic, jump

Put that magic jump on me!

Slap that baby."

It was quite similar to an eighties montague with the trippy music and the awkward dancing. Now, where were the hoop earrings and stellar clothing!? ...On second thought, Pavi now knew how drunks acted. They repeated the same thing over and over and over...

"So... I'unno where the fuck we're going," Luigi declared with a fling of his arms into the air. Shovel rocked back and forth on her handle, waiting for the smartest of the group to decide. Yes, that happened to be Shilo due to the circumstance where Junior year and swamped courses began to slowly cook (and fry) poor Shovel's brain.... But she is smart. Don't get her wrong.

_"Why're you wearing glasses?"_

_"It makes me feel edamucated!" Shovel had on a pair of thin glasses as she defended herself._

_"Does that word even exist?"_

_"FACEBOOK TEACHES ME NEW WORDS FOR MY PSATS. STFU, N00B."_

_"Jeez! Okay! Okay!"_

All of a sudden, something frightening occurred! A figure jumped out from their hiding place. Flames and water sparked off of the person. With a loud roar, she cried out... "BOOGA BOOGA BOO!" Everyone screamed, running in circles as they smacked into each other. Ludo nearly jumped two feet in the air. Luigi banged into Shilo... And Shovel stood there. Staring. Blankly.

"Ahur...."

"WHAT THE FUCKING FUCKING MEESE!?" Luigi demanded angrily.

"...You're really pushing it. First, you're in my commentary. Now you're in my story!"

"...But..." Aquaflame sniffled. T~T "Everyone loves an oxymoron."

_"IT WAS MY STORY. MEIN MEIN MEIN MEIN."_

_"Lol, you sound like a seagull or D-Con, Shovel."_

_"...Stay in my story, then. I don't wanna be raped by turtles, seagulls, or angry, flamboyant men."_

_"That's more like it."_

"Sticky-note powers activate!" The lovable oxymoron slapped a yellow sticky-note into the dead center of Shovel's forehead. She collapsed to the ground, temporarily k.o'd. Other members gawked, confused by whatever the hell that was going on. They simply could not understand Shovel and Aquaflame's intensity.

**Note!!:**The sticky-note was AF's plan. That really happened last year in Bio class, too. And no, I'm not angry at AF. I'm cracking up as I write and reread this crack fiction. xD


	6. Distractions

"Cricket. Cricket. Cricket." Af murmured absently. Her eyes were but a blank stare. It was far too similar to a deer trapped in the headlights. She pointed to the cricket that chirped. Shilo's eyes widened with glee. She liked bugs far too much for a young girl...

"Grass. Grass. Grass," Shovel held the same haunted stare. She gestured in the general direction of the blades of grass and the cricket upon it.

It was very random. Ludo and Luigi admitted this later on. They realized... how incredibly short Shovel and Af's attention spans were. Aquaflame stealthily approached the green insect. She dodged to the side as the cricket blinked with it's round, daunting orbs. It rubbed it's legs together to create the continuous chirping noise. Finally, Aquaflame was directly in front of the cricket. She raised her finger towards it....

The smell of charred insect rose into the air. Sobbing, Aquaflame through herself down upon the ground. She cried out in her utmost anguish, "EVERYTHING I TOUCH, BURNS!" Shovel hopped over to comfort her, "There, there..."

Ludo, Luigi, and Shilo gave both Aquaflame and Shovel a look. The look. What was the look? It is a look everyone gives to outrageously strange people. The 'wtf-are-you-doing' look is what it is called to the masses. With random Scooby-Doo theme music, the gang ran in circles through the entwining paths of the underground mausoleum.

_"Left. Right. Straight ahead. Du bist en ein labyrinth. Eiiiin labyrinth! Labyrinth!" Shovel sang happily in her commentary chair, rocking back and forth. Aquaflame smacked Shovel, "No one likes german! It's an angry language!"_

_T~T "Owie..."_

Luigi skidded to a halt, "What the fuck're we doing?! Goddamnit! We're going in circles!" He stomped his shoe on the ground, pivoting on heel. Alas, they found a way out of the labyrinth. Shovel gasped, "OHMAIGAWD, NO WAY."

"LIKE FUCKING TTLY."

She gasped again, "O RLY!!?"

"YA FUCKING RLY."

"Shut up, you're not preps!" Aquaflame flailed. The preppy talk was far too much for her humongous brain. It left her cranium in pure agony. Luigi and Shovel hushed as AF twitched, "Need. Midol." Fear not readers, Shovel is in no means a prep. Alas, she does communicate like that... Sometimes. When she feels like it. Or when she is hyper. DO NOT QUESTION THE ALMIGHTY SHOVEL.

_"You're. Such. A. Dork."_

_Shovel glared at Aquaflame. Out of seemingly nowhere, she produced a bottle of Midol. "BEHOLD, I HAVE YOUR CURE."_

_"My cure?"_

_"Is that what this is about?"_

_"...MIDOL," the oxymoron lunged at the garden tool who side-stepped her. _

_"IS THIS WHAT AILS YOU?"_

_"Stfu and give it to me! I need it! I've got to have it!"_

_Shovel stared in horror at her friend before turning to the commentary audience, "Addiction is a very bad thing, folks. Even if it is simply Midol that makes you preppy and happy. Do not take more than the instructed amount in more than four hours. Follow your doctor's instructions as well. Ya'll don't need to go into relapse now." Aquaflame pocketed the happy pill for later._

It seems as if Chaos' plans had worked for the time being. Behind the large group, Courtney bumped into Chaos. The two young women glared at each other. Hissing, they broke out into a fight with cries of, "I'm Luigi's stalker!" and "No, I am!" It looked... pretty dangerous and terrifying.

"I'M LUIGI'S STALKER."

"NO I AM."

"FTW. NO I AM."

"NO ME."

Luigi stared, ''What the fuck?" He arched a brow in confusion, though he had to admit... It felt right. It boosted his pride and ego.

"Lol.... Girls got it hot for the dude." Ludo laughed, edging away as the two girls broke into a fight. Aquaflame and Shovel took after Ludo's lead. _But they're still fuckin' freaks_... The Largo thought to himself.

"Ludo..." Shilo began, turning to look at the emo rocker.

"Yeah, hot stuff?" His emerald eyes gleamed as he flashed a white grin. Shilo shook her head as she threw a rock at him, "Shut up." Ludo collapsed on the ground, writhing about. He rolled over the grass with the rock, "Ahmaigawd, ohhhh, I love rooccccksssss....."

"What the fuck?" Aquaflame stared at Ludo. Shovel piped in, "Dude's got it hot for rocks." The oxymoron smacked her friend upside the head. If you, the reader, have noticed... Aquaflame does this many times. It's not out of love! It's not! Now, when Shovel goes to school the next day... She will be shot.

"WeeGee!" Chaos smiled happily, clapping her hands. "What a spectacular story! I love the Largo boys! I also enjoy stalking Luigi!"

_"...Pavigi," Shovel whispered, sketchily looking around the woman. Chaos and Aquaflame stared. "Hey!" She called out to break the silence. "We should, uhm, steal their underwear.... Thongs, briefs, boxers, whatever.... There are stranger people than me out in the world of ebay!"_

_Chaos held up a pair of Luigi's boxers. They were a light blue with gray kittens playing on them. Aquaflame gawked at them. Shovel laughed, flipping out one of Pavi's manthongs. It was.... It had... a leopard print._

_Aquaflame smacked Shovel on the back of the head to continue the story._

Courtney ran away with Luigi's ascot, "EBAY IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND." Shovel stiffled a giggle, looking away. Aquaflame merely twitched. Ludo continued to roll around on the grass. He was a dirty boy. What a dirty birdy... Chaos wrapped her arms around Luigi, nearly huggling him to death. "WEEGEEEEEEE." The shriek was that of a pure, hardcore fangirl's. Luigi gasped for air, flailing his arms.

"Sooooo...."

"MARNIIIIIII!" A forlorn cry in the distance snapped everyone out of their ADD-phase. They all blinked. "Who the fuck is hugging me!?" The eldest Largo demanded in an onset of rage. Chaos cleared her throat, standing up. She flexed and posed, "I AM CHAOTIC." She also sometimes helps edit some of Shovel's work. Chaos is a very nice person for doing so. No, Shovel was not paid to say that. It's the truth. If readers chose to recall from before, Chaos was one of Luigi's stalkers from the start of the story. Chaos was, indeed, the harbinger of Chaos and Mayhem. Cool words such as those deserve to be capitalized.

Shilo arched a brow with skepticism written across her face. Her arms hung loosely to her sides. Why, oh why, was the Wallace girl so fond of asking questions? "Isn't that a television show?"

Chaos placed her hands on her hips, much like the Time Warp, "How would you know?" Upon seeing this minuscule reference, Aquaflame launched into the Time Warp... by herself. ALL BY HERSELLLLLLF. ALL BY HERSELLLLLLF. Shovel's gonna get smacked tomorrow.

Shovel rolled her eyes, "Yeah... That's before your time... and after mine. I'M SO OLD. I'M IN MY JUNIOR YEAR!" She ran off, sobbing. Young kids these days had terrible cartoons. Who watches that crap, honestly? In Shovel's day, there was Pokemon, Yugioh (not that GX, version galactic crap), Scooby-Doo... and a bunch of others that were worthy of taking up half your Saturday.

Everyone remained silent as they watched Shovel run away from the scene. "..."

"Youth-life crisis," Aquaflame murmured sketchily as she tucked a Midol into her pocket. Who knew oxymorons had pockets.

"WILL YOU GUYS STOP GETTING THE FUCK OFF TOPIC!? WE NEED TO SAVE PAVI, GODDAMNIT." Only Luigi had the true power to speak in caps-lock. "We gotta fucking find the Bog of fucking Eternal Stench!''

Shovel slowly crept back, sniffling before abruptly cheering up. Aquaflame, Shovel, and (surprisingly) Luigi screamed in unison, "LABYRINTH!" Oh, how creepy their grins were...


	7. The Lake of Decaying Bodies

Note; The chapters seem to get shorter on my behalf. Don't come knocking at my door with a baseball bat? -Nervous laugh?-

In GraveRobber's super magically fantastic playhouse, nothing was going on (as always). Junkies were strewn across the floor in drunken ecstasy. The drug dealer was growing rather bored and tiresome from waiting. Perhaps it was going to be time to pay the odd group a visit. His eyes averted as he gazed at the ticking clock. Soon the bell would chime and soon all would come to an end.

As for Pavi's location... He was rolling around on the ground with some junkies. "Whee! This is-a fun!" How very typical of the Pavi.

Meanwhile, the peculiar group could smell the bog from far away. Although, they weren't that far. They were just a couple feet away as they all stared into it. Shilo blinked her doe's eyes, "Something smells..."

"No shit, Sherlock," Luigi interred gruffly. He had lost his ascot thanks to Courtney. Thus, he took off his blazer and wrapped it around his face to block out the horrid stench. Voila! He had invented a make-shift gas mask! Luigi did have his smart moments, though they were few. He liked to believe that he was very smart and this one instance proved such.

Ludo rocked back and forth on the heels of his soles. A sedated smile flickered onto his features, "Lolz. Look at tha peoplez in tha lake..." He really did speak like Ozzy Osbourne. No offense, Ozzy. Your music rocks and all, but many human beings cannot understand you. Shovel, however (is one of few who), can. "I'ma swim with tha fishies!" He took a few steps back, ready to take a lunge into the Lake of Decaying Bodies. You see, Sanitarium Island lacked a Bog of Eternal Stench. Thus, it had a Lake of Decaying Bodies. No doubt those of the repossessed.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

"NOOOOOOO!" Shovel and Aquaflame screamed in unison. That was very similar to a slow motion scene. Chaos laughed evilly, but stopped when everyone turned to look at her... After all, she did bring chaos wherever she went.

"You'll stink for fuckin' centuries!" Luigi grabbed Ludo, throwing him on the ground. "Don't pull stupid shit like that or I'll fucking stab you!" He threatened, waving one of the glistening blades. Shovel and Aquaflame nodded in agreement, "Centuries..." Their tones were quite hushed.

The bodies in the lake floated along their merrily deceased way. Ludo blinked, staring stupidly at Luigi, "Ahur... Okay...." Everyone exchanged sighs of relief. "But 'ow do we get 'cross?" His accent was quite the peculiar one. Perhaps Australian. Perhaps English. Perhaps British. Perhaps Ozzish. Or Tim Curryish. Or David Bowie-ish. Who knew... Who knew. Yet, he did bring up a very good point. "I know! I'll swim 'cross!" Everyone shook their heads rapidly, pulling him away from the lake... thing.

"Do it... Do it... Do it..." Chaos quietly chanted whilst everyone turned to shoot her a glare. "What?" She flashed a harmless look. Luigi threateningly waved his knife. Although... he wasn't that scary, "Don't fuckin' provoke him or I'll fucking stab you!" He just looked like an angry old man. Shovel will probably get stabbed now. "Sorry..." She sheepishly turned away.

"I has a plan, gaiz!" Ludo flailed violently.

"..."

"....."

"What IS your plan?" Shilo asked tentatively, looking at the emo rocker.

"Oh, right. 'Ere we go...." He cleared his throat, taking a sip of water from a water bottle. Where the heck did that come from? This just goes to show that Ludo has some rather magical abilities. Supposedly. "Whoooooaaaa ohhhhhh ohhhhh ohhh, livin' on a prayerrrrrr. Come to meeeeee, my precious rocks!" At this point, everyone exchanged shock and disbelief. Was he alright? His singing was horrendous.

"LOL. JON BON JOVI. LOL. LOTR." Aquaflame smacked the ecstatic Shovel. "SO CRUEL!" She called out, "Why does everything hate me!?" Her oxymoron friend turned to look at her, "No, not everything hates you. You just... say things at the wrong times." The lawn instrument protested, "But every time there's an awkward silence, a gay baby is born!" Aquaflame rolled her eyes, the flames whirling around her, "You would know that of all people."

_"So.... is Ludo like a rocker who summons rocks?"_

_"DING DING DING."_

_"Shut up! I'm not slow!"_

_"Well, maybe if you did your homework...." Shovel started. Flames erupted from Aquaflame, hushing the garden tool altogether._

Surprisingly, the rocks did come. Haha!! Shovel made a funny in her narration. She put that word there on purpose. Sure, there were several other options, but that one word seemed to be appropriate. Most would laugh, because most are mooks. What is a mook? Shovel learned that mooks are typically people who laugh at others who do stupid things. She just made a connection to her English class!

_Aquaflame glared. Shovel coughed._

"What the fuck?" Luigi stared at the rocks, rolling into the lake to create a well-constructed bridge. "I'm not going on that fucking thing," the Largo rapidly declared. In his professional (snarf) opinion (snarf), it seemed unsafe.

_SNARF. SNARF. SNARF. In Shovel's commentary chair, she began choking on her coca cola, "OH GOD IT BURNS."_

_"LOL. YOU SNARFED." Snarf is the word that means when liquid comes out of one's nose from contained or released laughter. Aquaflame laughed gleefully, "It's funny, 'cuz he's not a professional!"_

"But... But... Ae made you tha bridge..." Ludo whimpered, his eyes growing large and vulnerable like a battered puppy. Shilo, comfortingly, patted the emo boy on the shoulder. She turned to narrow her eyes at Luigi. Shovel and Aquaflame had already crossed the bridge, waving to vow for it's safety.

_Omfg. He's just like Ludo from Labyrinth. OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD._To clear up this very gay moment, Luigi replaced it with one of anger,"What the hell!? Everyone gangs up on me and then they're already on the other side! WTF!?" He demanded angrily, clenching his jaw in an onset of rage. On top of that, Chaos lunged ontop of Luigi, "Don't worry WeeGee, we can cross together!" He grumbled under his breath, right eye twitching violently. _Must not kill. Must not stab. Think of a happy place. Think of a happy place._His thoughts began to meander to a time with Pavi at the zoo...

Shilo crossed her arms with a small huff as she crossed the bridge with Ludo, "Mr. Largo, you owe Ludo an apology!"

"The hell did I do?" Luigi grumpily murmured. If he were a vampire.... Boy, would his eyes glow a nasty shade of red!

"You should apologize. What you said wasn't very nice. I know you're not a nice person, but..." Shilo trailed off, "He helped up and that's what matters." _I know you're not a nice person, because your murder dozens a day. Atleast that's what the tabloids say... But those aren't real, right? _Poor Shilo and her comfortless thoughts.

Mumble. Mumble. Everyone was silent. A shout to speak up louder. Mumble. Mumble. Luigi snapped, "I SAID I WAS SORRY, GODDAMNIT. YOU'RE ALL LIKE PAVI!" He ran off, crying like a lost and lonely boy... Whoa. That Largo boy had some issues...

At GraveRobber's hideout, dissatisfaction spread across his features. He gazed into his magical zydrate vial. Jeez, a lot of things in this fanfiction were magical.... "They're getting closer.... I'll have to set up a distraction, but how....." He pondered this to himself, tapping his chin. Cassidy, a GraveRobber follower, walked up to the man with the power, "GraveRobber, you're amazing. You're so cool. I wish I could be just like you." He patted her on the head, "Thanks, kid."

What was to come?


	8. Forest Entrance

_Shovel frantically rubbed her eye, "Hurtsssssss." She had the tendency to poke her eye with eyeliner or get makeup in her eye. Foundation in the eye burns like acid. Don't try that at home, ladies._

_"What does that have to do with the story?"_

_"You'll see."_

_"I probably won't."_

_"Meh." Shovel shrugged (that is, if shovels could shrug). There was an abrupt bang at the door followed by several knocks. Her eyes widened drastically in fear. She frantically gazed from side to side, "They're coming for me!" Who, do you ask? Well, people who actually like her demented work. Or those who hate it. Or those who want to be it. They were like.... zombies. "Zombies..." She whispered._

_"AGAIN. How do I know you!?"_

_"David-Bowie-Repo-Hellsing-Labyrinth-Rocky-Horror." Cough, cough._

_"Oh... Right. Lol. Tim Curry in tights."_

"I know just what to do," GraveRobber smirked at the cleverness of his idea. He hopped into a brown, cardboard box that probably held a fridge in the distant past. Somewhere in the world, a bishie will cry over that box which was his house (Only AF will understand that line in it's entirety). He scooted forward, the box edging by only half a centimeter. He scowled, turning to his minions. It was something that wounded the drug dealer's pride, "Can someone help me... please?" He winced at the word.

"I'll help!" Cassidy smiled, taking the chance. This was an awesome experience for her. She was able to be near one of the greatest fictional characters ever. Thus, she pushed him in the box, half-way towards their destination before coming to an abrupt halt. He arched a brow, "What's wrong?"

"...Can I have a ride in the box? My arms hurt..."

"Oh... ANYTHING FOR MY MINIONS!" GraveRobber boasted, jumping out of the box. _Luigi better make a mighty fine queen...._He grumbled in thought. "Whee!" Cassidy explained. What a fun day this had turned out to be.

While this event was occurring, the group was busy with their epic adventure. They may have conquered the Labyrinth and went across the Lake of Decaying Bodies, but GraveRobber's lair remained far away in their eyes.

"Hm... MY CHAOTIC SENSES ARE TINGLING." She flashed her signature pose.

"That's a television show," Shilo whispered inaudibly. Ludo staggered around the group in circles, amusing himself as he chased around a monarch butterfly. Shovel sniffled lightly, almost on the edge of suffering from another 'youth-life crisis.' Aquaflame twitched, in desperate need of Midol.... Luigi gritted his teeth, "SHUT THE HELL UP OR... I'll fracking punch you all!" Say whaaaaat? Did he finally run out of swear words and decide to use the nicer ones?

A shadowy figure darted behind them, flailing it's arms in the air. That, folks, was what you call the Kermit the Frog. Those of you who have seen Sesame Street in the course of your life will understand those. Shovel hopped away as quickly as possible due to an overdosage of paranoia, "IT'S A GHOSTIE." She saw Paranormal Activity and now flinches at everything (and is scared of the dark. She never was before. Damn that movie! DAMN IT TO HELLLLLLL). As the gang turned around to face this mysterious shadow, it was gone. Vanished. Out of sight, dynamite.

_"You're off topic again, MS!"_

_"Sorry."_

Who was this person? Well, that person hid... behind a very large rock.

Sabina put on her detective hat. Yes, Shovel desperately needed a detective, because who knows how this fanfiction will end. "My name is Sabina. I have become another stalker of WeeGee. One of the stalkers ran away with Luigi's ascot to sell on Ebay. That is not a true stalker. There is one stalker who has proved to be a formidable opponent. Her name is Chaos, the creator of chaos and mayhem. I have met my match. But! I do not stalk Luigi because I want to marry him and have his babies. I believe he's gay. Very much so. End of recording." She ended the tape.

"Are we there yet?" GraveRobber groaned, pushing the box with all his might. Cassidy cupped her hands, squinting into the distance. The drug dealer began pushing the cardboard box with his back, walking backwards. "There!" She pointed to the group.

"What the frack is that?" Luigi pointed at the two figures and a box. Somewhere deep within his soul, he knew that some very bad jokes existed about people and boxes. After writing this, Shovel was positive that Luigi ran home to look up jokes about that on the Internet, because the Internet has everything and it is not just for porn.

GraveRobber ran towards the group whilst Cassidy walked. No way she was going to break a sweat for this... even though it was an awesome, fantabulous fanfiction.

_"You're ego's really high today, huh?"_

_"DO NOT MOCK ME. NEED EGO BOOST. MY HEAD HURTS. I HATE LIFE. I NEED CHOCOLATE."_

_Just like a drug dealer, Aquaflame pulled out a bottle of Midol pills. Sketchily, she spoke, "Need a hit?" Shovel blinked, "Where'd you get those? Didn't your mom-?" Her friend cut her off sharply, "Do not question! ... I'm just a ninja."_

Flailing, GraveRobber appeared before their 'wtf-expression' faces. "Time is wasting, Luigi." His words were like silk as they ran off his tongue. Shilo fiddled with her messenger bag. Shovel and Aquaflame looked bored whilst Chaos remained alert. Without a doubt, Sabina was nearby, recording information. Ludo sauntered up to GraveRobber, wrapping his arms and legs around the coy man.

Luigi held his hands on his head, gritting his teeth in clear annoyance,"I fucking know that-" So much for a serious moment. GraveRobber frantically waved his leg in an attempt to shake off Ludo, "Ew. What the hell? Is he _humping_ my leg?" The horror in his face was inevitable.

"Lolzzzzz... I know who you areeeeee. Gimme drugz! ROCKS. AE NEED ME SOAM RAWKZ."

"..." An awkward silence.

"A gay baby has been born thanks to you genetic freaks!" Shovel shouted out before being smacked on the head by Aquaflame. Luigi narrowed his eyes, looking at the mystical garden tool, "You know what to do. Don't ruin it or I'll fucking slit your throat... If you have one." Shovel grinned chaotically, hopping over to Ludo and GraveRobber.

"BOING!" She shouted, hitting Ludo with her spade. "BOING!" She shouted again, hitting GraveRobber as well. Clearly, the King of Zydrate was offended as he gasped. Ludo sorely rubbed his head, rolling away. From the looks of it, she didn't ruin it.

The man with the power cleared his throat, "Time is wasting, Luigi. Your brother will become a junkie, a minion, soon enough." He tapped his wrist for emphasis. With a flick of his hands, he juggled the Zydrate vials. AN image began to surface within one of them. It was Pavi... a bit preoccupied. GraveRobber frowned, letting the image quickly disappear.

"That's....nasty," Shilo shuddered. She would never be the same after this adventure, would she?

Before everyone's eyes, GraveRobber had vanished. Only his bitterly warm laughter remained. Luigi rubbed his temples, hissing through gritted teeth, "Shiiiit. My brother's going to be a walking STD."

"He already is."

"Who fucking said that!?" Everyone pointed at Ludo, who was rolling around on the ground... with some rocks. What a freak. After a major beat-down with the two L's-

_"The two L's? The freak?"_

_"Wellllll, both Ludo's and Luigi's names begin with an L. So I thought...."_

_"Okay then. Just continue with your story."_

The group had resumed walking. There was a very small forest-like marsh ahead. Beyond that would be the gates to GraveRobber's hideout and then the place itself. They were so close, yet so far away with all of these ridiculous blocks in the road. As they walked through the forest, they were greeted by mutated creatures thanks to GeneCo's toxic waste. Everyone looked at Luigi and he returned their looks with a simple, nonchalant shrug.

Note: Was a bit tired. It is Friday. Report Cards received. Put me in a good mood. Now I just have to keep it up. As a note and reminder, I may not be able to squeeze everyone who keeps requesting to be in this fanfiction. It's coming to a close soon enough. :c Sorry 'bout that, folks.


	9. The Fire Gang

Disclaimer: The song, "Chilly Down", was created by Trevor Jones & David Bowie. David Bowie had sung the song during the film, Labyrinth. No sewage, please (Thanks). I didn't change any of the lyrics, because it's crack all on its own... And I do apologize of the shortness of this chapter. I never have any time on my hands...

The creatures that blocked the gates appeared to be lions. They bore the scene style for who knows why. They looked like creepy ravers. Creepy ravers existed at Connecticon. A grin was plastered on all four peculiar faces. On the left, one spoke; "Which way is which?"

"Yes, yes. Which?"

"One leads to your death and desecration."

"One leads to destiny!"

"Which is which!?"

"What. The. Shit." Luigi exhaled deeply, "OKAY. YOU BETTER FUCKING TELL ME. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM?! I'M LUIGI FUCKIN' LARGO. SO YOU BETTER LET ME IN THE RIGHT DO OR I'LL FUCKING TELL YOU."

"You have to guess which is which."

"No."

They looked surprised. Luigi stuck his beloved knife into the two mutated things. In a burst of fury, he continuously stabbed. Again and again and again. He had to make sure that they were dead for good. Alas, the doors creaked open from old age and rust. One lead to a rather steep drop and the other lead towards GraveRobber's super-duper fun-house. Shovel was not paid to say that, but she thought the innuendo was suitable.

"There's our fucking destiny!" Luigi declared, "Well, actually mine. All of you are just a bunch of low-life peasants that decided to tag along." Everyone shrugged and mumbled under their breath. What? It was true. All of those who decided to tag along had nothing better to do. Luigi was simply that special.

"I think...."

"Shut up, Shilo. No one likes you."

"Who said that....?" Everyone pointed to Ludo.

"I DO THE RAWK," Ludo was currently high on his droogs. He was singing a song that Tim Curry originally performed. Yes, it was called, "I Do the Rock." Shovel recommends it even if AF thinks it's the result of crack. Ludo was flailing his arms, spinning in circles. Perhaps one day, Shovel will draw Ludo...

Shilo sniffled, "I don't think nothing at all...." Luigi happily strode towards GraveRobber's hide-out with just one foot in front of the other....

_SMAAAAACK._

_"AIIIIIEEEE. WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"_

_"No using Christmas references! Not everyone celebrates your religion, Shovel!"_

_"But but.... I don't even believe in my religion..." A sniggle. "I'm agnostic. I ONLY DO IT FOR THE PRESENTS."_

_"That's low. Just low."_

_"Nooo. It's chaotic!"_

_"Okay, I do it to see my family, too."_

_"Lol. You do it."_

All of the sudden, something very peculiar blocked their way and they were oh so close! Luigi swore. Everyone skid to a halt, blinking. Damn, they need Visine for their eyes. The creatures looked like a cross between muppets and orange ostriches. How does this work....? Jim Henson knows, that's for sure. 'Lo and behold, it twas the Fire Gang. They burst into song, dancing around the group.

"When the sun goes down (when the sun goes down)

And the bats are back to bed (and the bats are back)

The brothers come 'round (the brothers come 'round)

I get out of my dirty bed (my dirty bed)

I shake my pretty little head (I shake my pretty little head)

Tap my pretty little feet (tap my pretty little feet)

Feeling brighter than sunlight (oh)

Louder than thunder (oh)

Bouncing like a yo-yo, wooh (oh)

Don't got no problems (no problems)

Ain't got no suitcase (no suitcase)

Ain't got no clothes to worry about (no clothes to worry about)

Ain't got no real estate or jewelry or gold mines to hang me up.

I just throw in my hand (throw in my hand)

With the chilliest bunch in the land (in the land)

They don't look much (oh)

They sure chilly chilly (oh)

They positively glow glow, huh (oh)

Chilly down with the fire gang

Think small with the fire gang (It's the only way)

Bad hep with the fire gang (a smile a day keeps the doctor away)

When your thing gets wild

Chilly down

Chilly down with the fire gang (Hey, I'm a wild child)

Act tall with the fire gang (whoo, walk tall)

Good times, bad food (yeah)

When your thing gets wild

Chilly down, chilly down

Drive you crazy, really lazy, eye rollin', funky strollin', ball playin'

Hip swayin', trouble makin', booty shakin', tripping, passing, jumping

Bouncing, drivin', stylin', creeping, pouncing, shoutin', screamin'

Double dealin', rockin', rollin', and a reelin'

With the mackin' sex appealin'.

Can you dig our groovy feelin'?

So when things get too tough (get too tough)

And your chin is dragging on the ground (dragging on the ground)

And even down looks up (down looks up)

Bad luck heh heh,

We can show you a good time (show you a good time)

And we don't charge nothin' (nothin' at all)

Just strut your nasty stuff,

Wiggle in the middle yeh

Get the town talkin', fire gang."

Now, what on earth was this? Luigi was _dancing_. Actually, dancing. Boy, did that man have some moves! With the funky critters, nonetheless. Why... This was complete and utter madness! Ludo whispered to MS, "Shovel, girrrrrl, work your magic!" ....Ludo was weird. End of story.

"Okiedae!" She bounced towards Luigi. "Wait," Aquaflame stopped MS, only to touch the metal spade. (Haha. Make your inneundoes. They don't hurt us. They only make us laugh.) Now that Shovel was at an unbearable temperature, she smacked Luigi upside the head. "BOING!" It was time for him to focus.

The Fire Gang tore off their heads, throwing them at Luigi. Oh boy, it sure wasn't his day. The angry male growled out," What the fuck is wrong with you guys!? I fuckin' hate you all. It would've been better if I did this by my fucking self."

"Ooooo snap."

"Uh..."

"...."

"Whee! Fort!" Shovel screamed as she began batting the heads towards GraveRobber's 'uber secretive' layout. Chaos struck her signature pose, "THIS IS A JOB FOR... CHAOS." She struck her signature pose as she began to aid Shovel. Wow. Shovel's friends are random, but that's okay.

After the... departure of the Fire Gang, the group finally arrived at GraveRobber's playhouse, which-

_"Playhouse?"_

_"I dunno, AF. GraveRobber keeps asking me to make his place sound "cool" by giving it "cool" names. Ta be honest, his choices are creepy."_

_"Yuh huh."_

Was nothing more than a small warehouse. There is your oxymoron of the day since warehouses are not meant to be small.

"Hey MS...."

"Yeah AF?"

"Is the Fire Gang singing about drugs? Or are they like Smokey the Bear."

"I don't know, AF. I don't know...."

Meanwhile, the detective scribbled furiously in her notepad. "Hmmmmmm. It seems as if the story's coming to a close and Luigi's as gay as ever!" 8D "But that's okay. Because he's cool."

_"HE'S A STUD MUFFIN!"_

_Who said that? Lawd knows that wasn't MS nor AF. Thus, it was Chaos_.

Alas, the encountered the almighty King of Zydrate.

Cassidy smiled happily,"GraveRobber, you're so cool."

He grinned in all his pride and vanity, "Why, thank-you."

Shovel shouted,"GO BACK TO YOUR DUMPSTER!"

"HEY. IT'S A BOX NOW, YOU... YOU THING," He had no idea what Shovel was. Yet another way to boost her pride, eh?

"Time's almost up, Luigi. Can you save your little brother?" A smirk edged onto GraveRobber's lips.

"Fuck you. You fucking pedomonster."

"...MY DRUGGIE MINIONS. ATTACK, I SAY. ATTACK." You see, instead of goblins, GraveRobber had junkies. Now comes the badass battle. GraveRobber vanished in a smoke of Zydrate, because he was a God-modder. Like Edward Cullen. Things were getting pretty intense. Who would win? Who would lose? And what would become of the Pavi?


	10. Tis the Final Battle!

Magical Shovel cleared her throat, hopping towards the junkies. They slithered about at a slow pace. They were like zombies, slow in the mind and body. Like Pavi. Luigi gave Shovel an ascot to write that. Not really. But she wish he did. He would approve. Anyways, bags lurked onto their tainted eyes... They moaned in agony or longing for their fix. Out of nowhere, a little glass vial containing the liquid they so desired, landing in the midst of the unlikely group.

"Oh sh-"

This was war. Their reflexes increased. They had become far quickly than they were before. Ludo picked up the vial with a blank stare. He proceeded to gnaw on it, "Ohay.... This ain't a rawk..." He sounded very disappointed. The junkies began to climb over the emo rocker. He cried out in alarm, "Ah!!! THEY BE TRYING TO EAT MEH, YO." Why the 'Yo'? Ludo had a Reno (Final Fantasy) moment. He, too, played the rpg game.

"GOOD YOU, FUCKTARD," Luigi shouted. He turned to see his sister, Amber Sweet, amongst the zombie druggies. He gasped (very flamboyantly, might I add).

_"AHHHH. LUIGI BE TRYING TO KILL ME, YO." Shovel ran around the room in circles as Luigi tried to stab her._

An idea popped into Shovel's mind since Aquaflame was no longer in any of her classes to nom her brain. Did you know that Aquaflame and Shovel go to school together? Well, now you do. This is how they manage to weave tales of insanity...

_Aquaflame fwacked Shovel with a newspaper, "Don't give out information like that! They could be pedobears!"_

_"Owwww....."_

"Wait!" She cried out. For once, Shovel wanted to be the hero. She wanted to be like her heroic, cartoon figure... Scooby-Doo. Don't diss Scooby. He's one badass mutt. He's a crime fighting canine! And quite possibly one day, Shovely will be in the FBI, profiling serial killers. But that's another story. She bounced up and down, "I'll ward them off! Luigi. You. Must. Go. Find. GraveRobber!" She had a William Shatner moment.

_"I picture you more of a serial killer rather than a profiler, MS."_

_"I agree," Chaos nodded._

_"..." For once, Shovel was sheepish._

Magical Shovel screamed at the top of her iron lungs, "MAGICAL YAOI ATTACK!'' For those who haven't figured out what yaoi is, it is two men together in a relationship. D'aw. Isn't that sweet? No, really, it is. Certain yaoi is rather hardcore, however, and may scar the minds of many individuals.

_"SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS, MOTHER FUCKAHS," Shovel shouted. She was right. Everyone on this planet SHOULD have an equal amount of rights regardless of sexuality. We should not judge by sexuality, but by personality. _

_"Sure. I support it and all, but, Shovel. I'LL NEVER FORGET ABOUT THAT PAVIGI PORNO FANFICTION." _

_Shovel laughed nervously, "YES YOU WILL." She proceeded to hit Aquaflame on the head to temporarily knock her out._

_"HO HO HO. THIS IS LOOKING MIGHTY CHAOTIC."_

Shilo and Luigi screamed in unison, "GAH." Aquaflame was busy torching junkies to pay attention. Ludo giggled. Amber murmured from beneath the masses, "That's, like, totally hawt. BUT I'M HOTTER. DON'T YOU WISH YOU WERE, TOTALLY HOT LIKE ME?" She burst into the song "Platinum Blondes" By: Paris Hilton. Surprisingly, Magical Shovel likes Paris Hilton. She's not that bad... She's cool.

_"...Wtf. I'm going to judge you the rest of your life."_

_"I'LL BUY BACK YOUR LOVE WITH JAPANESE CANDY AND SODA."_

_"YOU HAD ME AT JAPANESE." Thus, their friendship was repaired._

Luigi covered his rage-filled eyes, "GRAH. WHAT THE FUCK?! IS THAT FUCKING ME AND PAVI?"

"Lol. It's not fucking you. YOU'RE FUCKING PAVI."

"Shut the FUCK up, Shovel." She giggled. It was a fangirl's dream fantasy. The only way she could live this was by writing a crack fanfiction. And that is the story of Pavigi.

_"WHAT? IT'S OVER."_

_"OOOO. SEE. YOU DON'T LIKE CLIFF HANGERS, DO YA? You gotta finish yer stories, too, AF!"_

_"Damn."_

_"But no, it's not quite over."_

"WeeGee! I'll cover you! But not with Yaoi. : I'll just beat up the junkies for you. Go get Graves!" Chaos proceeded to merrily skip around the battlefield. She was epic. She kicked JUNKIE ass. Hot damn. That girl knew how to destroy things and bring mayhem wherever she went.

"MWAHAHAHA. FIRE IS WONDERFUL. FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE FIRE." AF's a closet pyro alongside the dead bodies and muffins that are stored in there.

_"NOOOO. YOU REVEALED MY SECRET."_

_"It had to come out, it had to come out." And so it did. It came out of the closet with the muffins._

Ludo used 'Rock Summon."

_"Hey! This isn't Pokemon."_

Let Shovel proceed to explain. Ludo summoned 'rocks' of all shapes and sizes. The druggies were all too distracted by this. He laughed stupidly, spinning in circles again.

Meanwhile, Luigi ran inside of GraveRobber's building which happened to be a storage compartment center. He looked around, pushing up the door.

"Minutes, Luigi, minutes."

"GIMME MY STUPID ASS BROTHER BACK. Although I don't want the runt. Pops'll fucking kill me!"

"Temper, Luigi." Mockery lingered in his tone. The room spun before Luigi's eyes like a bad rpg game. He rubbed his rage-filled eyes, blinking. _What. The. Shit._ There were stairs everywhere as well as platforms. Ceilings were twisted. Floors were mangled. Stairs tangled. This was crack in it's true form.

GraveRobber began to sing, while hopping from platform to platform. To many otakus, this was like a videogame come true.

_Aquaflame was silent._

"There's such a sad love

Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel

Open and closed within your eyes

I'll place the sky within your eyes

There's such a fooled heart

Beating so fast in search of new dreams

A love that will last within your heart

I'll place some booze within your heart

As the pain sweeps through,

Makes no sense for you,

For me to fuck away

Every thrill has gone (OH HO HO)

Wasn't too much fun at all

But I'll be there for you-oo-oo

As the world falls down

Falling

(As the world) Falling down

Falling in love

I'll paint you mornings of GOOOOOOOOOLD

I'll spin you steamy evenings

Though we're strangers till now, because I'm your pedo stalker

We're choosing the path between the stars

I'll leave my love between the stars FOR YOOUUUUUU

Falling for you

Falling for Z

Falling for BDSM

Makes no sense... Why am I so tall?

Makes no sense to fall

Falling

As the world falls down

Falling

Falling

Falling in love

As the world falls down

(down) Falling

Falling

Falling in love (love)

Falling in love

Falling FOR YOU BODY."

GraveRobber killed that beautiful song. "As The World Falls Down" was originally sung by David Bowie and composed by Trevor Jones. Just throwing that out there to not get sued. Luigi sniffled, but it was not a choked sob from the beauty of the song. He was dying on the inside... Because GraveRobber slaughtered it.

"I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. YOU SICK MOTHER FUCKER. YOU RUINED THE BEST SONG EVER."

"...Oh crap. You're supposed to fall for me! No no no!" GraveRobber flailed angrily. An interruption ensued. Guess who was back. Aga-hain. Guess who was back. Gues who's back. Guess who's- It was the gang! There stood Ludo, Chaos, Shilo, Shovel, and AF. There's no Didymus, because Shovel's a bit like him. Luigi glare down upon them all, "WHAT THE FUCK? HOW'D YOU GUYS GET IN THIS FUCKING MAZE?!"

Shovel grinned maniacally, "Magic. BOO HA HA HAA HA."

"...No," Shilo gestured towards the dual doors. She spoke in a calm voice, "We entered through the front doors." Luigi swore under his breath. No why didn't he see that before? He scratched his head, "So. Help me the fuck out!"

With ninja ability (and flexibility... scandalous!), GraveRobber hopped off the stairs and onto the ground before the group. It took Luigi a half hour just to climb down from the platforms. Sure, he's smaaaart. He was just taking his time... That's all.... Shovel will probably get repo'd after this fanfiction.

Aquaflame gasped as she gazed longingly at GraveRobber boa. It was a beautiful shade of Zydrate. She wanted it, "Oooooo, it's so pretty...." The oxymoron reached out to touch it. Oh, how easily amused Shovel and Aquaflame could be. Yet, this time, Shovel was too busy attacking junkies. Alas, AF touched the boa. It began to incinerate. Sometimes being made of aqua and flames was a true curse, "NOOOOOO."

GraveRobber's eyes widened as his jacket began to catch on fire. He collapsed to the ground, rolling around. Let this be a lesson, children. Don't play with matches. You can kill people. It's considered arson and murder. Now, you don't want to go to jail and room with scary, bad men... Do you?

_"That reminds me. I picked an unused matchbox off the playground not too long ago. I didn't want some kid to torch their hand off." Yes, Shovel actually told her mother this. She was proud! Inwardly, Shovel did want a kid to do so. But that is horrible. Let us hope the reader forgets that._

_"Whaaat!?" Chaos shrieked. "You're supposed to create chaos and mayhem! You're a shovel!"_

_"That's your job. And just because I'm a garden tool of mass destruction doesn't mean I have to kill!"_

A figure, whose form was female's, elegantly strode towards Shilo. The young Wallace girl gasped in disbelief. It was none other than her beloved role-model, Blind Mag. She squealed like a rabid chipmunk, jumping up and down. Mag smiled calmly at Shilo, reaching an arm out towards her.

"Shilo. Hello Shilo. Would you like to come with me? We'll talk over a bowl of candy in my office."

Thus, Shilo was defeated... Because of Mag. And candy. What happened in her _o__ffice_ was a whole other story. Or maybe it was Nathan dressed as Mag? Ya'll know he likes dressing up as Marni. Why not Mag as well? GraveRobber laughed evilly, rubbing his hands together. Everything was coming together before his eyes....

"Take this!" GraveRobber held a rather large, promiscuous book in his arms. It was-

"College. College. College." AF's and MS' eyes became undaunted. They were haunted.... By college decision-making. It was a nightmare that they had to face. Why was the world so cruel? Society demanded that you grow up at an early, determined age. There were no ifs, ands, or buts.

Aquaflame collapsed where Shovel scurried to an emo corner. She rocked back and forth uncontrollably.

"Snrgh."

"What?"

"SNRRRRRGH."

"OMFG. AF'S BEEN KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS," Ludo shouted. He shrieked like a young otaku, flailing. GraveRobber was winning! This was not good. Not good at all. Someone had to revive Shovel. Someone had to revive AF. And Ludo was useless. Shilo was gone. She was useless to begin with.

"SHIT. You're defeating my pokemon!"

Everyone blinked. Chaos began to nom on GraveRobber's head. Ludo wandered away for over a half hour to do who knows what. He came back with a steaming tray of warm, gooey cookies. He held them above his head like a sacrifice, "BEHOLDZ. AE BRING MS AND AF CAWKIES."

"Cawkies? The fuck?!"

"AE MEANT... COOKIES."

Magical Shovel and Aquaflame snapped into attention. They broke out of their trance, nomming the delicious cookies. It was apparent that Ludo was an excellent chef. Alas, they were revived and gearing to fight. They were ready for battle. Their health had been replenished.

_"This isn't a video game!"_

All of a sudden, David Bowie made his grand entrance-

_"David Bowie?" Aquaflame arched an eyebrow at her friend._

_MS grinned enthusiastically,"That's right! Who the heck doesn't love a rock god!?!?!"_

_"Ehhh..."_

_".... Timothy Curry." _

_Aquaflame began to do the Time Warp._

He put his hands on his hips-

_"Brought his knees in tight. And did the pelvic thrust! It really drives you insaaaaaaane!"_

_"AF! NOW You're getting off topic!"_

"Hullo!" Magical Shovel suppressed a squee. Luigi's mouth dropped to the floor. GraveRobber blinked alongside various others. David Bowie grinned, "Now... I thought this film I starred in was high on crack to begin with. You simply... Added to that grand surprise." Then, he left. AF had to hold MS back from chasing after the Rock God. If MS could... She would get Adam Lambert, Lady Gaga, Tim Curry, and David Bowie together.... She'll have to become famous just to meet them.

"Well, that was random," GraveRobber mumbled. He shrugged, "This really wasn't worth it..."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah. You wouldn't make a good Queen. You're too much of a whiner..."

"..."

"So, like... Your brother's over there. In a box. I'll get my stalker, Amber, to be my Queen."

"Fuck my life."

Magical Shovel murmured, "Only a tale I could weave..." Luigi found Pavi where GraveRobber promised the younger Largo would be. He united 'the genetic fucktard' as Luigi would call him.

"AF ANGRY. AF TAKE HAPPY MIDOL PILL!" D She engulfed the midol pill. Lo' and behold a transformation occurred. There before Pavi's eyes, lurked two Luigi fuckin' Largos. One... was on fire. Flames whirled around the one on the left whilst the other Luigi remained the same. Everyone blinked.

"I-a don't know which-a Luigi is-a which!" Pavi cried out, frantically looking between the two. Paviche ran with open arms to the Luigi that happened to be on fire. He cried out happily, beginning to hug the cheap imposter.

_"HEY. JUST BECAUSE I TURNED INTO LUIGI DOESN'T MEAN I'M A CHEAP IMPOSTER."_

_"Heyyy. Chill down. It's a Repo reference, like when Rotti tells Nathan, 'Bring it on, you cheap imposter!"_

_"You're so obsessed."_

_"Iknorite!? Like, Blank and I were playing Hang Man during Chemistry. The only words I managed to guess correctly were the Repo ones. That and 'orange.'"_

_"Whoa. You continue to amaze me. I'm not even in any classes to steal your smarts anymore!"_

"Ow-a!" Pavi cried out, running to hug the real Luigi fuckin' Largo. Luigi crinkled his nose in moderate disgust, though his eyes twinkled. All was well. The problem was solved.... Until Luigi woke up... In the hospital.

"OH SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK!?" The Largo demanded angrily. A GenTern strode over to Luigi, "Mr. Largo, we found you to be highly delirious. You were running around the streets yelling about 'Labyrinth, David Bowie,' and other strange things. It was bizarre. Thus, resulting... You needed a kidney transplant." God knows that kidney transplants make people go insane and rabid.

"So, I was imagining everything?"

"Most likely," she strutted off.

"Goddamn it," the gang that Luigi encountered peered into Lugi's hospital window with a grin plastered onto each of their faces. They entered the room, breaking into a random party just like the real movie. Luigi was hooked up to too many wires to actually dance.

Our wonderful detective spoke, "This concludes our crack fanfiction. AND LUIGI'S GAYER THAN EVER.''

"DOH!"

And when they disappeared... Deep down, Luigi knew that the world of Labyrinth did exist.

FINI

Ending note: Thus, concludes this bizarre and peculiar tale. I cut out many of the scenes out from Labyrinth for time's sake. Time is slipping out of my grasp. Many of the commentary and sentences from Shovel... is how I really speak. At times. Most of the time. However, I can be serious and use fanciful words. It's the Yankee in me, I swear ta ya. Anyway, I'm going to take a hiatus on crack/parody fanfictions. That final one I'll be writing will be in late spring/ early summer. And it will be called, "Luigi and Pavi Go To the Beach." It's pre-written and what not. I just have to type it. For the most part, I'll be focusing on serious fanfictions (& school) from here on out. But don't worry. I'll still be hilarious. ;D So, if you'd like to keep in touch and have a Gaia Online, my username's Magical Shovel. I do hope you enjoyed this story, kiddos.


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